Wired Differently, Mothering Deeply: The Lived Experience of Neurodivergent Mothers in Early Parenthood
Guest Post by Chloé Larcher, Systemic Therapist Specialised in Parenting and Family Systems
Motherhood, as it’s unfortunately often portrayed, assumes a one-size-fits-all experience, which couldn’t be more different from the experience of women through motherhood. Morover for neurodivergent mothers, those who are in the autistic spectrum, have ADHD, or live with other forms of neurodivergence, the journey through pregnancy and early parenthood is also affected by specific challenges. It is rich, intense, deeply felt, and often misunderstood.
As a systematic therapist specialized in parenting, I’ve spent years listening to neurodivergent women who navigate early motherhood differently. Their stories reveal a recurring truth: the structures designed to support mothers rarely consider neurodivergence.
Pregnancy: Sensory Overload and Systemic Gaps
Pregnancy can heighten the sensory sensitivities and cognitive processing differences already present in neurodivergent individuals. Medical appointments, with their fluorescent lights, unfamiliar social scripts, and rushed communication, can be disorienting rather than reassuring.
What’s often missing from prenatal care is space for silence, for questions to be answered clearly, for preferences to be respected without judgment. Neurodivergent mothers may not “present” anxiety or overwhelm in typical ways and are often misunderstood or dismissed as difficult, high-maintenance, or noncompliant. The pregnancy is our first step in motherhood, in which we feel vulnerable and we need care. Difficult experiences during pregnancy can have a negative and profound impact on mothers’s self esteem and inner narrative.
The Postpartum Fog: Executive Dysfunction Meets Infant Chaos
The postpartum period is notoriously difficult, but for neurodivergent mothers it can be bewildering. Executive dysfunction (challenges with organizing, initiating tasks, or regulating attention) clashes with the 24/7 demands of newborn care. Feeding schedules, sleep tracking, and spontaneous emotional regulation are all made harder when your brain doesn’t respond predictably to structure or change.
At the same time, masking (suppressing natural responses to appear more “normal”) often ramps up. Many neurodivergent mothers find themselves acting through a script of what they believe a “good mother” should be, while privately burning out.
We can again ask ourselves how their context and environment affects their wellbeing. Indeed partners, midwifes, doulas, family and friends can make a big difference for them if they are aware of their specific needs.
Years 0–6: Parallel Processes of Regulation
Early childhood is a time of immense development, not just for children but for mothers too. Neurodivergent mothers often find themselves co-regulating their child’s emotions while internally managing their own sensory or emotional overload. A playdate at a noisy playground might seem simple to others, but for a mother processing sounds, social cues, and overstimulation differently, it can feel like running an emotional marathon. Learning to recognize and listen to their needs and boundaries is essential to support their mental health and prevent burnout or emotional breakdown.
Transitions, meltdowns, imaginative play, and even parenting groups can be fraught with hidden challenges. Yet many neurodivergent mothers bring tremendous strengths to this phase: hyper-attunement to their child’s needs, a deep sense of justice, radical honesty, and the capacity to connect with children in richly creative ways.
What’s Missing in the Conversation
Too often, neurodivergent motherhood is framed through a deficit lens, what’s lacking, not what’s present. The truth is, these mothers are not broken. The systems around them often are.
What’s needed is:
Neurodivergent-informed maternal care that honors different sensory, communication, and regulatory needs.
Support spaces that don’t require social performance, where mothers can speak plainly, stim freely, or simply be quiet.
Parenting advice that values difference, rather than demanding conformity to neurotypical standards of emotional expression or routine.
A Note to Neurodivergent Mothers
If this sounds familiar, please know: you are not alone, and you are not doing it wrong. You are mothering in a world that often doesn’t see your needs, but your care, effort, and presence are real and enough. Your brain may be wired differently but your love is not less.