Maternal* Rage: Let's Name it!
We Have Been Wanting to Talk About Rage for a Long Time
Maternal rage is real. It’s intense. And it deserves to be spoken about with care and without judgement.
At Afloat e.V., as a nonprofit organisation and the International Coordinator in Germany for Postpartum Support International (PSI) , we have chosen to relay and summarise insights from PSI’s blog “Mom Rage: Causes, Ways to Cope, and Reasons for Hope” written by Nicole McNelis, M.Ed., NCC, LPC, PMH-C.
You can read the full original article here.
We are sharing this because many caregivers experience rage in silence, often accompanied by guilt and shame, and we believe it is important to name it openly and with care. Rage is frequently discussed in Afloat e.V. support groups, and participants are often surprised that we name it as rage rather than softening it as anger or irritability.
At Afloat e.V., we use the terms mom* and mother* inclusively to refer to anyone who identifies as a mother* or occupies a mothering* role. We choose these terms because motherhood* is shaped by strong societal norms and expectations, which directly influence how rage is experienced, judged, and internalised by those who identify as mothers*.
What Is Mom* Rage?
The term Mom* Rage refers to intense, uncontrollable episodes of anger that arise in the context of parenting. These moments may feel overwhelming, not goal-directed, and often stem from feelings of stress, powerlessness, injustice, and exhaustion (Billotte Verhoff et al., 2023).
Researchers use the following terms:
• Maternal Rage — the broad experience of rage at any point during the motherhood* journey
• Postpartum Rage — maternal* rage experienced specifically in the postpartum period
How Does Mom* Rage Feel?
Many people describe maternal rage as feeling like drowning and exploding at the same time. Often, it builds slowly through exhaustion, overstimulation, unmet needs, and lack of support before boiling over in moments of overwhelm.
What usually follows is a heavy wave of guilt and shame.
The Experience of Guilt and Shame
It is common for people experiencing maternal rage to feel ashamed of their anger. These feelings often arise from unrealistic cultural expectations, such as:
These feelings of guilt and shame can stem from:
Failing to live up to the concept of ideal motherhood*
Fear of being shamed by other mothers*
Concerns about being a “bad mother*”
The expectation to always experience motherhood* as a constant joyful and blissful experience
These expectations are neither fair nor reflective of lived reality.
Maternal Rage Is Not a Personal Failure
It is important to recognise that maternal* rage does not make someone a “bad mother*” or a bad caregiver. Rage is a signal, not a flaw.
It tells us that:
• Too much is being carried alone
• Needs have been unmet
• Support is lacking
In other words, rage often reveals how unsupported and overwhelmed someone has become.
Why Maternal Rage Matters
Research consistently links maternal rage to stress, powerlessness, compromised needs, and unrealistic societal expectations placed on caregivers. When we discuss maternal rage openly and without judgement, we reduce stigma and create space for understanding and support.
Rage does not reflect moral failure. It highlights systemic pressure and emotional overload. It’s a human response to being pushed past one’s limits.
What Can Be Done to Cope With Mom Rage?
Effective Individual Coping Strategies include:
Engaging in therapy with a therapist who is trained and knowledgeable in Mom* Rage.
Somatic strategies – Deep breathing, movement breaks, and physical time-outs.
Cognitive strategies – Challenging negative thoughts using self-compassion. For example, instead of judging yourself as a “bad mom*” for experiencing rage, recognise that you are a loving and caring mom*.
Family strategies – Finding equitable ways to share the physical and mental load of managing a household.
Afloat e.V.’s Perspective
At Afloat e.V., we believe maternal* rage deserves to be spoken about openly and met with care rather than judgement. Shared experiences and peer support can gently reduce isolation and help people feel less alone in what they are carrying.
Across our online and in-person spaces, we welcome diverse motherhood* journeys and offer room to speak, listen, or simply be present. Each person arrives with their own story, rhythm, and needs.
We see you.
We hear you.
You are not alone.
Support exists.
Acknowledgements
This summary is based on the blog post “Mom Rage: Causes, Ways to Cope, and Reasons for Hope” by Nicole McNelis, M.Ed., NCC, LPC, PMH-C, published on the Postpartum Support International website:
https://postpartum.net/mom-rage-causes-ways-to-cope-and-reasons-for-hope/
We are full of gratitude to Nicole McNelis to have posted about such a crucial topic.
Here are the References Mentioned in her post:
REFERENCES
McNelis, N. (2024, July 26). Maternal Rage: Implications & Interventions [Conference Presentation: Live Audio & PowerPoint Slides]. Postpartum Support International Conference 2024: Washington DC, United States of America.
Billotte Verhoff C., Hosek AM, Cherry J. “A Fire in my Belly:” Conceptualizing U.S. Women’s Experiences of “Mom Rage”. Sex Roles. 2023;88(11-12):495-513. doi: 10.1007/s11199-023-01376-8
Chemaly, S. L. (2019). Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger. Atria Books.
Dubin, M. (2023). Mom Rage. Seal Press.
Huppatz, K. E. (2018). ‘What have I done?’: an exploration of the ambivalent, unimaginable emotions of new motherhood. In R. Kokanovic, P. A. Michaels, & K. Johnston-Ataata (Eds.), Paths to Parenthood: Emotions on the Journey Through Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Early Parenting (pp. 145-164).
Lockman, D. (2019). All the rage: mothers, fathers, and the myth of equal partnership. Harper.
Ou, C. H. K., Hall, W. A., Rodney, P., & Stremler, R. (2022). Seeing Red: A Grounded Theory Study of Women’s Anger after Childbirth. Qualitative Health Research, 32(12), 1780–1794. https://doi.org/10.1177/10497323221120173
Ou, C. H., Hall, W. A., Rodney, P., & Stremler, R. (2022). Correlates of Canadian mothers’ anger during the postpartum period: a cross-sectional survey. BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth, 22(1). https://doi.org/10.1186/s12884-022-04479-4
Postpartum Rage: Symptoms, Diagnosis & Treatment. (n.d.). Cleveland Clinic. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24768-postpartum-rage
Salerno, J. M., Peter-Hagene, L. C., & Jay, A. C. V. (2019). Women and African Americans are less influential when they express anger during group decision making. Group Processes & Intergroup Relations, 22(1), 57-79. https://doi.org/10.1177/1368430217702967
Tobe, H., Kita, S., Hayashi, M., Umeshita, K., & Kamibeppu, K. (2020). Mediating effect of resilience during pregnancy on the association between maternal trait anger and postnatal depression. Comprehensive Psychiatry, 102, 152190. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.comppsych.2020.152190