We Were Never Meant to Do It All on Our Own: Interview with SuperMamas Germany

Photo courtesy of imagery-prod.com and Supermamans.ch

After Emilie Salonen reached out in the fall, we knew that we wanted to highlight all that she and her team are doing to support international mothers* in Germany. Having experienced the postpartum isolation and overwhelm experienced by so many of us, Emilie and her friend Marijke set about to build the village that they had so lacked after the birth of their first babies using a model first developed in Switzerland.  

Emilie is now Co-Founder of SuperMamas Germany, a 100% volunteer run network of (mostly) international mothers* that aims to break the barrier of loneliness that often comes with being new in a country and having a baby. She was kind enough to share how her experience led her to create SuperMamas and all of the ways in which SuperMamas supports international mothers* in Germany.

Afloat and SuperMamas share similar goals, namely reducing mothers*' isolation in the postpartum period and supporting their mental health. Tell us a little bit about how SuperMamas goes about that. 

At SuperMamas Germany we believe in the power of connection. Being connected to other like-minded moms* who know first-hand what you are going through and do not judge you is crucial to a mom*'s mental well-being during the postpartum period. Feeling heard and understood goes a long, long way when becoming a mom*.

The HelpingMamas donate their time to cook a wholesome meal for the new mom* and her family and to bring it to them. The home cooked meal says "I don't know you yet but I know what you are going through and you deserve to be taken care of and feel loved". Before the pandemic, each HelpingMama would stay for a chat to lend a friendly ear and to connect with the new mom*. Since the pandemic, after bringing the meal, they aim to arrange a social distancing walk, a coffee outside or a phone call.

You were part of starting SuperMamas Germany after having gone through your own postpartum experience. How would your postpartum time have been different if you had been pampered by a Helping Mama*? 

I became a mom* while being an expat in Germany. At that time all my friends didn't have children and were working. My very supportive husband took the first 2 months of parental leave but, starting the 3rd month, I was alone 9 hours a day with my son. It was the loneliest and most exhausting time of my life. I didn't have time to take a shower during the day and didn't have the energy to prepare myself a healthy lunch. My son was waking up every two hours at night. My husband was helping at night and was also exhausted. And my son couldn't nap for more than 30 minutes at a time, so I couldn't get any sleep during the day. I would cry in the morning when my husband left for work and cry again when he came back.  

Luckily, I had met Marijke during the 3rd trimester of pregnancy through an international community Facebook group. She lived in the same district as me and our babies were only 2 weeks apart. We went through the same phases and doubts at the same time. I am convinced that having her to talk to saved me from postpartum depression.  

If I had been pampered from the HelpingMamas, who are very often mums* with a bit more experience, who have been there already, it would have helped me in so many ways, including just ensuring that I was able to feed myself properly and gain more energy through food. I would have gotten useful advice and practical tips from them. Also, I would have been told how great of a job I was doing. And that would have made all the difference in the world. 

Marijke and I became close friends very quickly and we co-founded SuperMamas in Germany 9 months later (the time it takes to grow a baby!) based on the original initiative, Les Supermamans, developed in Switzerland. We are still in touch regularly today even if we live in different countries now.

 Tell us a little about the importance of SuperMamas Germany specifically for international women* in Germany. 

Having a baby is challenging enough. Having a baby in a foreign country without knowing the system well and sometimes without even speaking the language can become isolating very quickly. SuperMamas Germany creates a "village" around the new mom*.

There are countless online communities out there for new moms* that can help provide a quick answer to a specific question and momentarily break the feeling of loneliness. But it is almost impossible to deeply connect through a conversation online. The fact that the HelpingMamas get in touch over the phone and then meet the new moms* (so called BubbleMamas) brings the moms* closer together and fosters deeper connections that gives this special feeling of being part of the local community. A feeling of "being home" even.

What role does SuperMamas play in supporting those dealing with postpartum mental health issues? 

I would like to say something very important first: SuperMamas Germany doesn't aim to replace professional help. When a mom* registers as a BubbleMama and lets us know that she suffers from postpartum depression, we aim to connect her with another HelpingMama who has in the past suffered from postpartum depression. We believe that being able to talk to a mom* who has been where she is can help her figure out where to get help (if she hasn't yet done it), give momentary relief and give her someone to confide in without the fear of being judged.

SuperMamas is currently in several cities in Germany and expanding rapidly to other cities. For those families who do not live in a city with an established SuperMamas chapter, how could they plan ahead to ensure that they get the care and love that everyone deserves in the postpartum time? 

SuperMamas Germany is currently in the following cities: Berlin, Hamburg, Köln, Bonn, Düsseldorf, Duisburg, Essen and Bochum (including the surrounding areas of those cities). But we are aiming to cover as many cities as possible and are actively looking for mom* volunteers to organize the pamperings in their city/region. 

For families looking to prepare for the arrival of a baby: start connecting with your neighbors and communicating to your friends that you would rather have time as a gift than something physical, such as baby clothes or a toy for the baby. Tell your friends/family living in the same city to bring food each time they visit or take the baby for a pram walk (with the siblings) so mommy* and daddy* can get some sleep. For your friends/family who can't visit or help physically, ask for a gift voucher for ordering food online or pay for a cleaner to come once and clean the home and/or do laundry and hang it.

The most important thing once the baby has arrived is to ask for help! We moms*, especially the first time around, have trouble asking for help (I used to be like that too and I am still learning after having two kids!). We are used to doing it all by ourselves and even after the baby arrives we still try to do it all on our own. But we were never meant to do it on our own or alone with our partner. And you would be surprised how willing and happy people are when we ask for help! That is why I mention these specifics suggestions for how people can help because it is hard to get specific after having given birth and being sleep deprived.  

I love the following list written by mother.ly and if I had another child someday, I would send this article together with the birth announcement (I am not kidding!):  https://www.mother.ly/love/14-ways-to-really-help-a-new-mom

Thank you so much, Emilie!

Thank you!